How to make the first move on a dating app without seeming like a desperado
We ladies hate getting a generic chat up line, so make sure the guy you’re into knows he’s special and that there’s a reason you’re getting in touchpliments are a really easy way to start a conversation after all, what man doesn’t like a little ego boost? Comment on his sense of style, his profile photos, the dance moves he whipped out last night anything! But leave it at that – if he doesn’t take the bait, it’s his loss.
If you’re not one for handing out compliments to strangers, why not crack out the humour instead? Keep it relaxed and at the very least, you’ll be the funny girl that made him laugh. Whether you love a good cheesy line or you’re more of a dry sense of humour kind of girl, a light-hearted opener always goes down well.
2. Ask away… but don’t play 20 questions
Get him to suggest a movie you should watch, ask him to recommend a good bar, or to tell you about the book he’s reading… Whatever you choose, questions encourage answers, and no matter how mundane your query, it’ll open up the chance for a conversation.
If you really want to get him chatting though, don’t push him for his political views and life goals too early on. Instead, ask for his advice on something. It’s flattering that you value his opinion, so let him share his interests and impart his wisdom!
3. Remember – at least you know he’s looking
„A few months ago, I decided to dip my toes into the world of internet dating and downloaded Happn. Now I’m not one to normally approach guys I fancy on nights out (unless I’ve had a good few tequila shots), but experimenting with the app, I found it much easier to show people I was interested and start conversations after all, you know at the very least that you’re both open to meeting and getting to know new people, so what’s there to lose?
„I’m now seeing a guy called Tom, which all began when I sent him a message to ask him about his love for Newcastle United and, after chatting for a week or so, found out that we had a lot more in common than my feigned interest in football. We’re both from the North East, share a love for metal bands and good coffee which also explains why we crossed paths as he works at a coffee shop near my flat. We’ve now been on a few dates and are just enjoying getting to know each other more. Quite frankly, I don’t know what was stopping me making the first move before!”
4. Find your common ground
There will always be something. People can often struggle to think of something that they might have in common with their crush, but if you’re in the same place, on the same app or even just the same commute, you already share something, so use that to your advantage.
If you crossed paths near a restaurant you love or see that he’s been to a festival you have, comment on your surroundings or shared interests. If you match on a dating app, why not joke about the platform? Or how about the maniac morning rush and how you wish there was time for a quick coffee?
5. Keep it casual
„I’d been dabbling with internet dating for a few months when I crossed paths with an interesting guy called Joe on Happn. I’m normally a bit shy about approaching guys in a bar or club, but using a mobile it didn’t seem so direct. I began with a casual 'hey J’ and it was easy to point out something we had in common 'I notice your profile says you’re a chef! That’s pretty hardcore, I was a waitress for a long time. How was your weekend?’
„It’s easy to feel nervous in person in case they aren’t very keen or (cringe) are taken but keeping it light and chatty is really easy on a dating app, and there’s no awkward silences! I’ve definitely had more confidence at approaching guys since. Joe and I have been on a few dates now and at the very least I’ve met a great new friend in the city and one who can cook me a fab dinner!”
6. Show them you’re living your life, with or without a man
Whether or not you believe in playing hard to get, men are attracted to girls who are go-getters and know how to have fun so divulge some exciting weekend or holiday plans you have coming up.
You’ll never look desperate if it’s clear you’re having a great time regardless of whether he’s interested, so go out there and enjoy yourself! Party with your girls, keep going to your dance classes or take that new opportunity at work you’ll be irresistible.
7. Give him a fighting chance
If you simply can’t muster the courage to make that first move, make sure you at least give him a fighting chance to do it for you. If you’re online, send him a little poke so he knows you’re looking. And if you’re offline, don’t travel in a pack you’re harder to approach when flanked by your army of girls, and even more unobtainable if there are other guys in your group. After all, he doesn’t want to finish his night with a black eye!